if you want me, then fight for me, because i'm fighting like hell for you.

i just don't understand why is it has always been me?
after another situation has occured, another problem came up.
what's the problem?!

i just don't feel good and ease as the days are near but i just hope that it will actually be settled down once i'm back to work on tuesday as i hate to feel so remorseful.
i just want to be a happy kid in my life for things i do and never feel guilty over something.

if the reason that they give me is invalid, i think i have to fight for my right and be with the team that i always have been through with.
seriously i don't understand what's their point of view but i feel is they don't think for the future wise.

i'm so sorry bestie amri and i can't be by your side right now to share your sorrows.

it's good to hear that you are doing fine and safe and sound but remember that we are all here for you.

it's not that we didn't show enough love, care and concern about you, it's just you who do not want to hear what all of us got to say and you are being selfish enough for making the wrong decision of your whole lifetime which i know you inside out how could i possibly not know what type of person you are.

the reason that's still lingers on my mind put me on a spot.

i have heard all about it and let's don't think of the bitter times that we have gone through.

october please, thank you.

i'm still waiting for the upcoming news to tell me if we are able to visit you and if it's possible, it would be perfect.

while waiting for the time to pass by another 5 more months to go just wait for my letter to reach you.

Labels: the scars will remain.

alright since i got nothing better to do, why not i just blog about what's happening right now.

oh well currently i'm doing my work at level 6 alone supposingly together with my s but there's not enough manpower.
oh well i encountered 2 patients just pass away and few of them just admitted so i got myself a bit busy handling with the family members to let them know about the visitation hours.

s, the one that nurul thought it's your ex but eventually it's not is at level 6 with me and i wanted to laugh upon seeing him when nurul got the wrong person whom she thought it is.
nyehahas(:

oh well 1.5 hours before work ends and tomorrow we got ourselves claim hour so we will be working at 3pm and before that i got something on so i got to settle before i starts work tomorrow.

the boy texted me and he asked if my feelings for him has fades and he mentioned that he's waiting for me and can't wait to see me but i told him, don't hope for it that much as we both really need a good talk before we settled down.
sometimes i just feel that i . . .

tonight is another night that eventually i read your text messages that you have send me all these while cause i'm starting to miss you again.
unless you are back on your feet in singapore only then i will totally ignored you and see how best you can capture my total heart.

i bet that you are going to feel upset about not receiving any text messages from me these 9 days, the reason is i bet you my bill going to be burst for this month and i want the day to end fast so i just need to wait for your return.
not because of i don't bother about you.
in fact i do bother about you and you will only realize it all after you come back then you knew all about it.

good night.

where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which i find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.

i miss you like hell.

sometimes when the love of your life is missing, the whole world seems to be depopulated.

in return, i would be delighted if you could tell me in return, oh baby please wait for me.

Labels: i'm waiting.

in a happy mood which was written all over my face if you ever notice.

in a moment of time, only then i will leak the secrets away but not for now.

my s called me up and told me a piece of good news which i'm looking forward to it which only on tuesday once she's back from her leave then she's able to show it to me.

we wasn't expected any of this to show up since we talk about it while we were working at the sea-side just now, it was so scary and almost scares me with the knocks and out of the sudden faces just appear.

in the return of the boy, hopefully the boy pampered me cause it's been a while since somebody pampered me with loves and giving surprises which i loves surprises whereby they are good at keeping secrets.

hmmm, i know the boy is trying his best to but oh well keep it up my boo.

i envy those couples whose out there being so loving to each other and they can't separate from each other even though just for a moment but grrhh, my boy is coming back after 8 days and by then i will be waiting for him and going to treat him well and so do i expect the same from him.

Labels: poke it out.

this week has been a shitty days for me as early in the morning as i've not been reaching to work on time.
oh well my in charge call few people to explain that i got to clear my off's and leave but 2 public holiday is coming as well which means double happiness to take more off and contract will be ending in mid august.
i took leave in the 1st week so i could spend the time with the boy and he said previously that the boys has planned some things when they come back from taiwan and they have 1 week off and i'm so glad it's approved.

we certainly need a talk with each other about each individual 1 month loss and i bet i'm going to talk more rather than him.

hmmm, i feel lost and maybe this is just my illusion which i tend to keep myself cause no one understand how i feels actually but i told myself that i'm a strong girl which i can rely on my own.

Labels: the loss.

i miss the boy.
one day has just pass and i guess the boy is already at the jungle for training with the others.

i told myself 9 days are going to be fast for me this week as i will be busy this whole week as i'm busy working morning shift and then off to my busy schedule all week so it would actually keep my mind busy and not worrying about other stuffs.

oh well today plan after work, me and s headed to kovan for the g2000 sales and we bought few tops for both of us and few for each individual boyfriend.

i bought for both of us same colour tops which in purple colour which i find it unique and cute though and i simply can't wait for his return.
both me and s had such a hard time for finding the right size that we wanted and it took us quite sometime before we settled down.
after which we took nel to hougang and walk a bit and waited for bus 161 and the journey back home takes some time and i took a short nap, pretty tired as i have not been sleeping early and rather late these few weeks.
reached causeway point bought some munchy munchy before i got home.

the days have been smooth for me when the boy is not around with me.
i'm not counting down the days that his left with cause it will be slower than i thought.

Labels: shopping.

me and s took cab to wingtai g2000 sales but eventually upon we reached, we were disappointed as it was closed.

you have no idea how small is the signage for closed on monday.

we walked to kovan and a last minute plan since nurul did not meet up with the boyfriend so we decided to hit off to ming arcade for a karaoke session just the 3 of us and we enjoyed our night together and it was awesome with all duets, dangdut, rock songs and those silly acts.

it was well spent and we ended our night around 10pm plus before we separated.

thanks babies for making my day and accompany me to make time goes by fast by dating me out and let's do it again.

Labels: sing out loud.

oh well today planned with baby nonoi was canceled as she's going away to attend pet's family wedding.

so i told the boy that i'm not going to his place nor his grandma's place and he seems okay but we shall see how it goes.

the day seems so wonderful as it was raining season and i woke up only at 3pm and get ready to pamper myself and make a trip down to a salon and get my hair done with something different and doing treatments and wash.

the feeling is so rejuvenating and i bet the boy going to be shocked with what i did with my beautiful hair but i'm satisfied the way the hairdresser did is not satisfying enough and i guess afterall the next time i need to book the boss to do it for me then it will be satisfying.

my eyecandy warned me tomorrow to answer his phone call as it would be the last for this week cause he wants to hear my voice for the last time and the boy going off to jungle for 9 days straight and then left with how many days before hes departure back to singapore.

Labels: my hair smells so nice.

oh well only me and s was working today and i mean just us whose the only old birds in our team and we really hit it off just to make the time goes faster and guess what happen at work?

a patient approached me in the afternoon asking me how this system works and i told him everything about it and then in the evening time, i saw him again.
this time he approached and give me his namecard and oh his name is ben tao and asked me if i do modelling before or do modelling for photography and i said yes obviously.
i was stunned and paranoid doesn't know what to do and i got my eyes at s only and i was caught in the middle and cannot move around.
in my heart, i wanted to scream for help but i was working and i even told him as he asked me for my name and email for facebook.
his face can tell that he's worried when i said that and even got a paper and pen ready.
wth!
he even mentioned that, i got a great face and very photogenic which he caught inspired by me.
in a good way, i wrote down my email for facebook but when i think again, he can't add me as i got do some settings through facebook whereby people can't find me.

the theme for the night is pink just for lil aqil's birthday party.

we were all sexcited about it but poor me and s got to work but we both end work at 8pm and so lil j and kelvin fetched us from work and off we go to changi and meet up with nurul and bf as well over there.

we had to some little last minute thing for the baby's present and whom have contributed is, kak su, lil j, s, nurul and eeza who did not turned up last minute due some problem that has happen which i heard.

oh well but as far as it goes, we were glad that we got together and enjoyed our moments together like finally after so long ever since we all have split shifts but am glad that the new team i still have my s around with me as kak ika, lil j and kel have been assigned to a new level as a team leader but oh please do not let the bonding of us that has gone through for 1 year won't fades okay loves.

poor thing that my boy was left behind as he's away at taiwan and i got to be alone and luckily am glad that i got lil j as my partner as she's also alone and i told them, i'm single for free.

nyehahas(:

Labels: he turned 3 this year.

anniversary is a time to celebrate the joys of today, the memories of yesterday, and the hopes of tomorrow.
an anniversary is a time of reflection of the event that was experienced.
it is healthy and natural to remember an event on the anniversary of the day it occurred.

moments of joy should be celebrated with joy.

the same goes for sad occasions.

these should not be ignored.

trip over love, you can get up.

fall in love and you fall forever.
i had more joy, more laughter, more love and more pleasure because what i have with you is more than can be measured

Labels: fast cars and fast times.

trying to hold tight onto this relationship and try not to think of those negative thoughts.

each day without fails he called me and luckily my hp was clinging with me at all times but so far twice only i didn't realized and managed to answer his calls due to busy with work but the boy called me again and he's glad that i did answered if not let me tell you he will get worry sick about me but thank god he's still healthy and telling me he's getting darker while me i told him i'm not putting any weight just yet cause i was sick the past few days and haven't get back the appetite that i usually have the amount of what it takes.

oh well on top of everything i'm contented with my life right now while for the boy, i can see that he's changing for good for my sake but it's good that it turns out this way which i'm glad so.

i'm happy to see him this way and when i threatens him about something he says i'm bad.

oh boy i just miss you so.

my mind is just not right with me now and i feel that i'm so different but in what way?

Labels: it is foolish to fear what you cannot avoid.

lying to the boys simply makes them curious and wanting to know more but oh well me and nonoi decided to keep it a secrets and eventually the boy called me late night and ask me a question which caught me dumbfounded.

i wanted it to keep a surprise but eventually i do not want to upset him furthermore so i told him that my off in lieu was approved but deep down i know he must be smiling.

the boy have been bugging me over at the phone that he wants to spend time together with me as he's flying off for 26 days and he is so afraid i will left him out and just disappear.

in fact he doesn't know my dirty little secrets that eventually i'm writing for him a few pages of letters for him and his surprise of customized cake.

early morning i already received his text message which surprised me that early that he called me but then i ignored his text messages and get ready to meet off with nonoi and make our way down to " the icing room " for which we have to decorate the cakes and we seriously doesn't even know how to decorate it and run out of ideas.
spend couple of hours and had to do a last minute job of printing some stuffs before heading back home.

ever since then the boy keep calling me non stop and when i'm about to reach his place only then i got answer his phone call to let him know i'm already here and he was surprised though and throughtout the space and my mine could only think of where to place this cake at without him realizing and he almost caught me and i got to tell him a white lie saying that i'm searching for sweet.

while waiting for yat to come over and off to meet dave as well at jalan besar to do service their bikes afterwhich i got hungry and yat was suggesting at novena so he wanted to drop off ttsh to meet up with nurul.

lunched at fork and spoon and off we headed back home as each of them have some stuffs to settle as they flying off tonight baby.

we only able to spend couple of hours and which we have to go to his grandparents place with the mum as well and we received a bad news after all which his grandfather brother passed away and it was a chaotic moment and off we send the boy to the airport for few hours before we have to make a move.

it was so sad leaving him and although not long that we know each other but this is for the first time whom is leaving for taiwan for 26 days close to a month, tell me about it?

but oh well i hope for the best and not the other way round when he comes back but i got the feeling he won't.

this happens when i was busy concentrating on the movie, he told me not to go inside but i couldn't be bother until i realized the next day he said this on his facebook which i find it so sweet after recalling it back,

" Leavin soon...hmph....i will miss my BABY....hope 2 get a surprise b4 going off...so sad...leavin her away 4 awhile feels like leaving her 4 my whole life time....hmph:( "

aww baby nonoi, we forgotten to take pictures together but everything is in a mess cause of the boys and yusof family in a hurry plus with the cake that has ruined the day got a bit smashed and the boy told me as long as it's the thoughts that count baby and he appreciate for the things we had done but i still not amused by it.

the night continues and we went to bedok for the body to come back from changi hospital and totally it scares me cause it's been long since i saw a dead body.

the boy keep on calling me and accompany me on the phone before his plane fly and we both have the feeling of not putting it down, well it's our habit.

the line got cut when there's no connection so as for me i have to wait for his next text messages or calls and i got home nearly as 3:30am with his whole family send me home.

Labels: sometimes your nearness.

after work, headed off to his grandparents place and chill for a while and off to meet gf syasya at her place to slack for a moment and open up the boy surprise that he made it just for me and he claimed that this is his first time for making an effort to spend his time doing all these for his girlfriend.

i stunned and was amazed by his work and got a compliment from me and gf syasya.

thanks love for the surprise and one more day before he goes taiwan.

Labels: surprises awaiting still.

the plan was so unpredictable and meeting the babies was so wonderful and as always they really have no brains to think sometimes and we girls have to crack our brain for a brighter idea.

ended up, we went for sheesha and spend the night there.

i was suggesting to baby nonoi about making a cake of our own for the boys as a surprise and she agreed on my terms and so we make a back up plan too.

it was so exciting that we both have a lot of ideas what to give for a surprise which i can't wait.

when is the next day that we going to have an outing again baby?

Labels: love is the only gold.

somehow i miss that feeling of getting a bouquet of flowers.

Labels: i need it back.

Nistar Nisa(:

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fifteen-january
indonesian-javanese

❒ Taken ✔ Single ❒ Waiting For That Special Person

♥ people think i am lying about being hurt because they see me laughing. they don't know that i only laugh to keep myself from crying ♥